“What’s Your Grief?” is a fantastic website I follow for their writings on topics related to grief. Last week, they posed a question which brought about some fantastic conversation over social media. The question was, “What has your grief taught you?” The answers were compiled into a list of 64, which found its way to my inbox and inspired today’s blog.

In grief work, asking questions is one of the best ways to explore your feelings and get to know yourself better. It can make all the difference in how you seek out support and in knowing what your needs are. So, I find this to be an incredibly helpful question. Especially for those who are in a space where they are able to reflect, and give words to the new wisdom that one finds in grief. This question is not necessarily appropriate for those in the first weeks and months of grief. In early grief it is more important to take care of yourself day to day, rather than pen something poignant about your grief. However, sometimes these bits of wisdom can come unexpectedly! Whenever they come, take time to think about them and how you got there.

Although my natural tendency is to always seek a positive aspect of any situation, it is important in grief not to spend too much mental energy searching for something positive if it is not easily found. Sometimes that mental energy is best used caring for yourself in the reality of a situation which is just downright terrible. So, when considering what lessons you have learned in your grief, there is no need for them to be flowery or overly positive. If they are, then please share! But if not, those hard lessons, the ones which feel a little bitter in our mouths, the lessons which remind us of how much can change in grief, those are necessary to hear too.

Our sharing of wisdom with one another is the real work of humanity, especially in grief. Death remains a mystery in so many ways. How our minds and bodies experience it is still being discovered. Therefore, those of us who have had this experience, are experts in grief. We have a unique understanding from our personal perspective of this experience. Of course, everyone experiences grief differently, but in gathering together these lessons, we can find words to feelings we may not know we have. We can learn from one another, even in the ways we are dissimilar.

So I invite you today to share your lessons in grief. Share them by commenting on the post in Facebook, or on the blog page on our website. Alternately, you can message us on Facebook, or email. I will compile them together for us to read next week. If you would like to be anonymous please let me know. Let’s make our own list! It’s okay if your lesson is the same as someone else, or one you read on this list of 64. Just write it in your own words, unique to you! What has your grief taught you?

Join me for our Touchpoint Virtual Bereavement group on Tuesdays at 2 PM. It generally lasts about one and a half hours. Click the link below for more information on how to join us, everyone is welcome, no registration required.

If you would like to schedule one-on-one support with me via Zoom, please email me at bereavement@williamsburghospice.org


Take care,

Abby Embry

Chaplaincy Director



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Fran Post
3 years ago

Since I don’t have Facebook, is there a way that I can see the list of 64? Thank you Abby.

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